Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
