i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it's like iHOP with fire
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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