last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize