walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
