One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
