We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize