I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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