peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
