ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
