She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
