Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You've changed since you got that strap on
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