I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
