take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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