I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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