We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
