I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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