Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
