I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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