Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize