My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
