idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
