some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
