I love black thongs
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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