Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
