hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
