She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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