Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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