Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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