I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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