the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
