Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
