The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
