i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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