the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize