to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
