Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
