i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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