Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
