A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
