after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
