I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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