it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
