I have demons in me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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