Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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