your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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