Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
