you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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