just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
