it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
