he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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