it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
