We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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