he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
