I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
