I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
