a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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