forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
