Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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