would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
