Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
