someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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