Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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