a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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