I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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