Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
